He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
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Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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