Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
what day is it and did you see me today?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
