He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
