Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
