I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
