guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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