Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
