oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
