is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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