dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
