Where is the hickey?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
