The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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