Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
