I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
