He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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