I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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