Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
