i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
