i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
