mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
