I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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