i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
