At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
