ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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