I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
