i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
