Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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