last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
