we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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