Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
