i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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