He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
