connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
