ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
