the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
