you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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