Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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