please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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