I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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