Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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