She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize