There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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