Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
