dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
