I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
