things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
