Pants 0. Shit 1.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
