Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize