when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
