Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
