I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
