I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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