Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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