The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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