break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
