Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
