Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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