I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
