dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
