I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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