Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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