Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
