she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
