I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
