i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
