We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
