I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
