i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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