I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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